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Days of Disturbance

Yesterday was a really tough day for me. Today was even worse. Yesterday, I had to tell my hubby we have to move. I've known for a while, but I knew deep down I couldn't tell him yet & ruin the holidays. There is so little joy in my hubby's life that I could not risk ruining one of the joyous times of the year for him. I had to at least give him that, for I knew what was on the road ahead. I mean, how do I even tell a man who can barely walk to the bathroom, that we have to pack up all of our belongings & move, yet again?

SOooo, I took on the burden of knowing & I kept it to myself. I spent my holidays, quietly wondering to myself where we would go from here. What's next? How will we ever come up with money for the expenses of yet ANOTHER move, let alone the first & last month's rent, plus deposit? We are so fortunate to be able to come up with our rent each month, on our own, without being able to have two incomes, but this is a huge extra task to think of.

I have searched feverishly, day after day,

poring over the "For Rent" ads online. Everything FAR beyond our reach.

It was unimaginable! Like a bad dream.

As I've said before, many times, I am not a worrier, I am a warrior. So like always, I prayed. If nothing else, I was at peace with it. As much as I do LOVE it here, where we've been living the past couple of years, we will soon be moving out & on to our next home, wherever God opens the doors for us to go.

Our landlord told me his son is getting married & it's too crowded upstairs, so they want to move in here. Family comes first. As it should, really, & it does, for some families.

My hubby asked me to send a message to his parents & let them know what we were up against. Maybe they would be able to help us? So, last night, before it got too late, I pounded out a message to them, letting them know what is going on... All evening long, my hubby asked me if there was any reply. "None. Sorry." This morning, he asked again. I checked, "No, not yet". As the day went on, I knew he was breaking more & more inside, waiting & wondering why there was no response from his parents, who live across the country. He had such hopes that maybe, just "maybe" they would help come to our rescue in some way, knowing that he doesn't have the ability to work for a living & help himself, due to his own physical disabilities. I made up every excuse & told him maybe his dad hadn't checked his email yet. I could only hope... Pretty soon, I decided to text them to ask if they'd gotten the email. The reply came back, they had gotten it & they said "We knew this was coming", how they knew before us was beyond me, but whatever. They pretty much said no, but in a lot more words. Excuses. Everyone has em... For me, it was just another blow to my sweet, sweet hubby. The icing on the cake of his day. It took the wind out of his sails... Poor dude!

Some people can rely on their family, but some can't. Not all families are the same. There is nothing you can do about it.

We spent the rest of the afternoon looking at rental listings online & then it began... The distraught outbursts about, "Why???" A multitude of tear-filled questions, which I do not have the answers for. Many of the same questions, asked over & over again, with no answers in sight.

Some things in life are SO hard, aren't they?... For me, I prefer to plunge through, all the while holding God's hand & letting Him soothe & guide me along the way. I have no expectations & I just take each day as it comes. It's better that way... I may not have the answers, but I do have oodles of faith. You know what they say, "With faith you can move mountains". If all you need is the faith of a mustard seed & my faith is ginormous, I can hardly wait for the next miracle to show itself. I am absolutely positive it will be big. It's the waiting that's the hardest, but I am one of the most patient people you will ever meet, so I'm not worried.

God has never forgotten us. Ever.