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The Birth-Mother's Gift


Very near & dear to my heart....

I wrote this a few years ago, on Facebook.

I wanted to share it here, so anyone could read it.

Please, please share this blog post with all of your friends.

The Birth-Mother's Gift...

I may be opening up a can of worms here, but I have recently come across a lot of comments posted, that are very rude & thoughtless. Everyone has an opinion, but sometimes people need to think before they speak. Don't be so hurtful to others. Unless you've walked in their shoes, you have no idea...

Let me just say, choosing adoption is no easy task. It is life changing on so many levels, for "everyone" involved. People who can't have a baby & "really" want one & are "ready" for one, now have the opportunity. What a joy for them, after the struggle to conceive, which may have been years...

The reasons for choosing to place a baby up for adoption are endless & not really up to anyone but the people closely involved, mostly the birth-mom. IF we let someone else choose for us, we may end up regretting the decision later or resenting the person who chose for us. It is something to think long & hard about & not a decision to take lightly.

Personally, for me, it took many, "many" months

& a LOT of thinking & praying.

I spent many days alone. Sorting things out.

Just me & God...

It was no longer just about me anymore,

I had a tiny life growing inside of me to think about now & I wanted the best life possible for my baby.

Sure, I would have been a great mom, but I knew in my heart I wanted so much more for this baby.

I was way too young & I wanted him to grow up in a family with 2 parents that loved him (among other reasons). I have read comments from people saying that choosing adoption is selfish. I completely disagree. Nobody knows more than me how much that tiny life meant to me. I was just a youngster & I had to make a very grown-up decision. I'd say it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do & possibly the least selfish. Once I made up my mind & knew what I had to do (because it was right for my baby), I had to just separate myself mentally & prepare for what was ahead. Like I said, it was NOT easy. I now knew this was no longer "my baby" & I did my very best to take good care of myself as he continued to grow in his own private womb. ;) Don't always assume a baby wasn't wanted, just because they were adopted. I hear this ALL the time & it always irks me. I have even been asked, "How could you give up your own flesh & blood?" Well, I didn't do it for me. I have a lot of close friends who were adopted & seeing how loved they were, with such awesome parents & what a great life they had, really helped me in my decision. Adoption is such a cool thing for a lot of people. If you are adopted, just think about it. You were given life, after all. Try not to be resentful about it, if you don't know any of the facts. You can speculate all day long, but unless you find out for certain, you really don't know. In my case, it was done out of a great love for my baby. There is no way you can carry someone next to your heart for 9 months & never think about them again. Try as "some" might to forget (out of necessity to stop hurting), but it is next to impossible. There will always be those same thoughts, wondering how or where, for years to come, for the both of you. Just look at the moon & remember, everyone sees the same moon. It's a connection of sorts.

Smoke Moon Summer 2017

Almost a teensy bit of comfort in that thought.

Whether you choose to search for (or find) your birth-family or adopted baby is totally up to you. Maybe you don't want to offend your adoptive family? I would hope they'd care about where you came from too. Maybe you're scared or think they don't want anything to do with you. How will you ever know, unless you try. It may be easier than you think to find them, especially if they want to be found. In my case, I listed my address in the adoption file, when I knew he was old enough to come looking for me. I wanted it to be easy for him. This is not always the case. Do your homework & pray a lot. I always like to tell everyone, "Not all birth-moms are as nice as me". Be prepared for any reaction. Have patience & don't let your thoughts & emotions run away with you. Please don't be resentful either way. If you were born a long time ago, like some of us, your birth may have been a secret & they may need some time to mull things over & possibly, "let the cat out of the bag", so to speak. The last thing you really want is to barge in & ruin someone's life, if they had a secret (sad, but true). Thankfully, I never kept a secret & have always chosen to share my story wherever I felt led to.

You may say you have no desire to meet your birth-family. Are you just being resentful when you say this, because you think you weren't wanted? Please don't be bitter. It's hard enough as it is... How do you really know, without trying? There is no doubt in "my mind" that if you are adopted, that is your family. The parents who raised you are your mommy & daddy. No doubt about that, whatsoever. Don't think that if the birth-mom comes on the scene she is planning on snatching her baby back out of your life. They are grown now. Try not to be scared. She just wants to know her baby is alive & well... & Most of all, loved. Also, you may or may not develop a relationship with some of your blood relatives. This may or may not be a bonus. Don't feel bad either way. If it's meant to be, it will happen. At least you will have the satisfaction (& possibly some relief) of knowing where you came from & meeting people who might be very similar to you. Thankfully, for me, my son & I are great friends & we talk about anything AND I love his parents, who so graciously embraced me as if I were one of their own. I know, I could write a book on the subject, but my point is, please don't judge people for having to make a hard choice in life & for Pete's sake, don't be mean & make rude posts or comments, when you have no idea of the reasons. Do you really want to look heartless? You have no idea, unless you were there. Sit on your hands & think about what you're saying.

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