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Where the Roses Never Fade

I'm not gonna lie...

Life can be SO hard sometimes!

Oh, I'm still that happy little girl inside.

I'm just TIRED.

It's been years since I didn't have to be responsible. Many times I've wished to just

be that little girl again.

Carefree. Giggles & soft, purring kitties...

I had such a happy childhood. I'm thoroughly grateful for every second of it! Truly!

Running out to just play, every single day...

No worries!

Every day, as I get older, those around me are aging too...

My parents will be 89 years old this year. They're oldsters, that is for certain! I'm very pleased at how well they've been doing, ALL these years! They still live in their own place & take care of themselves...

I'm SUPER thrilled that we still get to see them often & hang out together. The little girl in me hopes they live forever.

Over the last couple of weeks, my mom has had to ride in an ambulance to the hospital for a stay, twice. They admitted her to the Critical Care Unit the first time. They gave her a breathing tube & they had her in a medically induced coma, to rest & monitor her heart.

The second time, they admitted her for a "one day" observance, which turned into two days...

Hospitals are so hard to think of. It seems like once you get in, they never want to let you go home. Don't they realize a sick person needs rest to get better?... I mean, all we really want is our own jammies on & to put our woozie head to our favorite pillow on our own comfy bed. At home!!... Anyone who's ever been in a hospital knows, you can never get any rest in a hospital!! ALL those interruptions, ALL night long!! Do they ever draw blood or check the blood pressure on people who are awake???... If I die, it would be fun to come back as a night nurse, so I could torment people by waking them up, "just" after they fall asleep. NOT!! How annoying!! Just let us sleep!!

Anyway... After my mom got home from the hospital the first time, I went over to their house & visited with her & dad & helped do a few little chores that mom had been wanting to do, but just didn't have strength to do. Plus, she needs to take it easy, especially in the heat we've had lately... Mom seemed fine. Of course, she had been moving very slow lately, but she isn't a kid anymore! I stayed & visited for a while, then I drove on home... Next day, my sister messaged me, "Mom went to hospital by ambulance again, on our way to get dad".

Oh no! Poor mom!! I couldn't believe it, since she had seemed fine the night before. Just tired.

Today, I called mom from the job I was at. She said, "Do you want to come over?" In my heart of hearts, I knew she just wanted me to come over. She needed my help with a few little chores & there were a lot of berries to be picked.

It was REALLY HOT out... Mom came out, walking very slowly & sat down at the table in the yard. She was trying to be very careful, so as not to have another fainting episode.

Once I'd gotten done with mom's chores & picking the berries, I sat with mom & dad out in the yard, by their table. We talked & laughed a bit. Dad pointed up to the ripped hole in their shade canopy & said, "Do you like my skylight?", to which I immediately replied, "We might be rednecks" & when he looked like he didn't get it, I pointed at it myself & said, "Redneck skylight". We had a good laugh over it & I wish I had a picture of it to put in this blog post, but I didn't take my camera.

While dad was in the house, mom & I talked more. She told me of a song she wants at her funeral. "Where the Roses Never Fade". Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I hate to talk about funerals & such. My people are so important to me, I can't stand the thoughts of their funeral. In fact, I have a giant lump in my throat right now, just typing this.

It is completely heart-wrenching to think of for me. I adore my parents. Anyone who knows them adores them... & Now I am in tears again. Full blown tears. *Sniff, sniff*... When you have the best parents in the world, you just never want to let em go!... I had never heard of the song mom spoke of, so she sang a few lines. I looked it up when I got home & here are the lyrics...

Dad came back out & sat with us, as he took his daily meds & we visited. He spoke of church in the morning, but mom said she wasn't going, but he could go. Dad & I were both completely shocked. Anyone who knows my mom, knows she rarely ever misses church. We were concerned, but mom knows how she feels, so it's up to her how much she wants to do. I decided it was getting late & my hubby was at home, wondering when I'd be back to take care of him... I hugged my dad goodbye & leaned over to hug my mom in her chair, under the redneck skylight. I told her I love her & she said she loved me too. As I backed away, I could see she had tears in her eyes. I pretended not to notice, as I got teary too... I asked her if she wanted me to help walk with her back into the house & she said, "No, not yet. I can't go in yet". Dad & I immediately got concerned, but she said she just had to rest & it was nice out there. She said she wanted to watch & listen to the birds.

After I belted myself into the truck & got on the road headed for home, all I could think of was my mom & the song she wants at her funeral... Not gonna lie, I was a wreck after that... I spent the entire drive, of about 30 miles, in tears. Gut wrenching, cheek soaking, snot sniffing tears. I had no tissues, only the shirt on my back. I swiped my hand over my cheeks at every stop light & tried not to let any cars near me notice my tears. It's amazing how many people are around, looking at you, when you just want to be invisible in your car, while you're sobbing your heart out.

Once I got home, I went down the hall & found my hubby lying on the bed, watching a DVD movie. He took one look at me & saw I'd been crying, so he held up his arm & patted the bed in front of him. I crawled up next to him & he pulled me up close to him, with his arms wrapped around me & I completely lost it. Full on sniffling, snorting, whaling tears. I was a wreck... We didn't even talk, aside from me telling him that mom told me what song she wants at her funeral. That's all he needed to hear & he knows me & how much I love my parents. He just held onto me until I was done, then I got up & got my shower & into my jammies. I was exhausted. Completely spent.

I know where my parents are going when they leave their earthly bodies. I do take comfort in knowing that. Maybe it does make it a little easier, BUT it is still so, SO hard to think of them being gone from us someday. I'm super thankful that I will see them again one day after they do go.

For now, I plan to savor every moment

I have with my parents for the time that we have left with them. I hope to learn anything they have to share with us & to laugh as much as possible.

If you still have your parents, hug em

& squeeze em tight, because you only get one mom & one dad & when they're gone, that's it. Savor every moment!

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